Bad beginnings - panic with a newborn

When our son was born we were delighted but exhausted and while I didn't suffer from depression, I think I was certainly in shock. I had absolutely no idea what to do, I was dog-tired and in enormous pain still from the actual birth (those stitches really hurt, don't they?) It was also August and 90 degree Italian heat and I was not functioning well. Thank Goodness my mum was with me for a month because, quite frankly, my husband and I were useless. Having since spoken about it, my husband now admits that he could see I was struggling and so tried to take the burden off me by telling me what to do instead of having me make decisions. I, though, saw his ordering me about as a sign that he didn't trust me, didn't believe in me and that he thought he knew better than me. Well, readers, we argued, and how! I remember one time, about three weeks in, standing in the back garden with him, both of us in tears, because I was convinced I was a bad mother. My milk still hadn't arrived (this was making me sick with disappointment and sadness) and Tom had started to suffer with reflux. Not only couldn't I feed my son properly, he was now also sick and I couldn't stop him crying. Enter stage left My Mum. She was wonderful. I think I learnt more in those first few weeks with her than with anybody else or from any other book or what have you. I watched as she took the screaming Tom out into the night air to cool him and to calm him, listened as she sang softly to him when he couldn't swallow his milk, watched as she put him to sleep on his tummy, simple because he wasn't sleeping on his back. I wouldn't ever have thought to do that because of all the don't do this, don't do that stuff, but seeing her do it, calmly and logically, gave me enormous strength, and still does today. My husband and I, now fifteen months on, aren't arguing (as much!) and we are still learning all the time with regards to bringing up our son (I sometimes think it's Tommy bringing us up and not the other way round). Those first few weeks and months were baffling, challenging and difficult but we got through them. If we ever have a second child then I would like to think that I'll be a little more prepared and ready for whatever they want to throw at me!