Milk - what happens when you haven't got any

I was beside myself with guilt, disappointment and anger when it turned out I couldn't breastfeed. I tried, I really did, but it just didn't happen. It all started at the hospital three days after Tom's birth when I was sitting in the 'new mums' feeding area' trying to will his sucking into stimulating things enough to get it all going. Nothing doing. The nurses were lovely at the hospital with the exception of one, who just happened to be the one on duty with us that night. It was three o'clock in the morning, I was physically and mentally exhausted and distraught that everyone else's milk had arrived and mine hadn't. The general consensus was that I was not to worry, that it would arrive if I just relaxed. This lady, though, shouted at me in full view of the other mums, reminding me that Tom was losing weight and that he had to eat, pushing a bottle under my nose the whole time. Had I done my research beforehand, I would have known that babies lose weight immediately after being born. Furthermore I would have known that if you give your newborn a bottle, the incentive to suck and therefore get the milk flowing is diminished. Bugger. Of course, thinking I was depriving my son of nourishment, I gave in and gave him the bottle. I carried on breast feeding but the milk just never came. I drank stout (advice from my dad), massaged my boobs and plied them with hot and cold compresses (thanks auntie Sue) and used the breast pump constantly in the hope of something working. It was so upsetting. My husband tried to persuade me to give up trying, hoping I'd relax and feel better if I stopped worrying about breast-is-best, and he was right; I just couldn't see it at the time. I carried on plugging away with the pump and the compresses for five weeks before I thought 'sod it' and adopted the bottle. What a relief. Firstly because it just took away an enormous amount of pressure, secondly because I could see that Tom was flourishing and not suffering at all and finally because, I soon realised, my husband could help out with the feeding. Bonus!
I would love to have breastfed Tom but it wasn't to be and now I can't help but see the positives in bottle-feeding. If our second baby ever comes along I'll try to breastfeed again but I will not be pressured into giving the bottle immediately and I will not feel guilty if I don't get any milk again. Baby will be fine either way.